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+---
+template=post
+title=A Really Long Week
+style=/styles/post.css
+style=writing.css
+
+published=2024-11-13 7:24pm CST
+
+description=What I've done the last 116 days.
+art=images/a-really-long-week.gif
+art_alt=A squirrel standing in leaves. The image only has 19 colours and looks slightly unreal.
+---
+
+<div style="min-height: 25vh; text-align: center; display: flex; justify-content: center;">
+	<p style="display: inline-block; align-self: center; font-style: italic;">space intentionally left blank</p>
+</div>
+
+It has been 116 days since I last wrote a weeknote.<br />(<a href="/words/weeknotes/what.html">weeknotes/what.html</a>)
+
+I like weeknotes. You get little slices of people throughout the year. Get to
+learn a bit about them: what they do, how they write. It's nice.
+
+I meant to be writing weeknotes. I want to! It's hard. But I can do hard things.
+I think I can, anyway. I am learning to do hard things.
+
+Here's what has happened, roughly, in the last 116 days:
+
+I bought a guitar from a garage sale for $75 in what I describe as an
+"unhinged moment". I like the guitar, it is fun! I have not practiced very much
+recently but promise to get back to it. Sometime before the end of the year I
+will post a little audio clip of me plucking out a tune.
+
+<hr />
+
+I started having heart issues, maybe. Well, I had those more than 116 days ago,
+but only just. Since then I have started taking a beta blocker, been to the
+emergency room a few more times, and been anxious almost the entire time. It's
+not very fun, but a lot of dangerous things have been ruled out so it is likely
+I am fine.
+
+<hr />
+
+I switched to estradiol valerate injections from the sublingual tablets. I feel
+overall more mentally stable. It's a lot harder to miss an injection than a
+twice-a-day tablet. This is really good for me; we love this.
+
+<hr />
+
+Cohost shut down. It went read only 73 days after I wrote my last weeknote. It
+was very nice being there and I will miss it. I am slowly reposting things I
+put there, a selection of them, to <a href="/cohost">/cohost</a>. I am trying
+to do it carefully and with purpose, as I care about these things.
+
+<hr />
+
+<img src="images/a-really-long-week.gif"
+	alt="A squirrel standing in leaves. The image only has 19 colours and looks slightly unreal."
+	style="width: 100%;" />
+
+<hr style="margin-top: 0;" />
+
+I've been working on an old project called NailyDumber back then
+<i>(daily number, first letter swapped)</i>, but just called numbers now. It's a
+little betting/gambling game with not-real money, of course, called beans. I am
+conflicted as I do not like gambling, but I wanted to make it nonetheless. It
+will hopefully be fun to play. I will try to get it running by the end of the
+year, but I am not very good at deadlines.
+
+I feel like I am good at programming again when I work on this in a way I have
+not in awhile. Perhaps it's the rapid progress or perhaps I have shed some
+imposter syndrome since I last did any large programming things, which was
+many months ago now.
+
+<hr />
+
+I got a quilt a few days ago. Nothing fancy, just a thing from the supermarket,
+but it is a nice autumn orange and it is warm and I like to lay under it.
+
+<hr />
+
+A friend invited me to a friendsgiving at the end of November and it's so cute
+I might cry. I am disused to knowing people in the physical world and I am very
+excited. He just got a new dog and I am so, so excited to pet the good boy.
+
+<hr />
+
+It's fall. A few days ago I woke up well. It was nice. I walked outside and the
+air was pleasantly cool. It was bright and I was smiling. I went and got coffee
+where my sister works, decaf because caffeine gives me palpitations now I guess,
+and I came home and cracked my window open and worked on numbers. I had a good
+time; I enjoyed it. But I think it would've been nice to walk around a little
+more.
+
+I am slightly afraid of where I live now. Not for any good reason, I think, or
+any reason really at all. Nothing has happened to make me uneasy. It's more or
+less just how I am. I will get over this and I will start walking again.
+
+On November 5th I wrote this in my notebook:<br />
+<blockquote>
+	I want to be genuine in the face of the world&mdash;confident and happy and beautiful and real.
+</blockquote>
+
+Thank you for reading; I love you. I hope you love yourself.
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