--- template=post title=A Really Long Week style=/styles/post.css style=writing.css published=2024-11-13 7:24pm CST description=What I've done the last 116 days. art=images/a-really-long-week.gif art_alt=A squirrel standing in leaves. The image only has 19 colours and looks slightly unreal. --- <div style="min-height: 25vh; text-align: center; display: flex; justify-content: center;"> <p style="display: inline-block; align-self: center; font-style: italic;">space intentionally left blank</p> </div> It has been 116 days since I last wrote a weeknote.<br />(<a href="/words/weeknotes/what.html">weeknotes/what.html</a>) I like weeknotes. You get little slices of people throughout the year. Get to learn a bit about them: what they do, how they write. It's nice. I meant to be writing weeknotes. I want to! It's hard. But I can do hard things. I think I can, anyway. I am learning to do hard things. Here's what has happened, roughly, in the last 116 days: I bought a guitar from a garage sale for $75 in what I describe as an "unhinged moment". I like the guitar, it is fun! I have not practiced very much recently but promise to get back to it. Sometime before the end of the year I will post a little audio clip of me plucking out a tune. <hr /> I started having heart issues, maybe. Well, I had those more than 116 days ago, but only just. Since then I have started taking a beta blocker, been to the emergency room a few more times, and been anxious almost the entire time. It's not very fun, but a lot of dangerous things have been ruled out so it is likely I am fine. <hr /> I switched to estradiol valerate injections from the sublingual tablets. I feel overall more mentally stable. It's a lot harder to miss an injection than a twice-a-day tablet. This is really good for me; we love this. <hr /> Cohost shut down. It went read only 73 days after I wrote my last weeknote. It was very nice being there and I will miss it. I am slowly reposting things I put there, a selection of them, to <a href="/cohost">/cohost</a>. I am trying to do it carefully and with purpose, as I care about these things. <hr /> <img src="images/a-really-long-week.gif" alt="A squirrel standing in leaves. The image only has 19 colours and looks slightly unreal." style="width: 100%;" /> <hr style="margin-top: 0;" /> I've been working on an old project called NailyDumber back then <i>(daily number, first letter swapped)</i>, but just called numbers now. It's a little betting/gambling game with not-real money, of course, called beans. I am conflicted as I do not like gambling, but I wanted to make it nonetheless. It will hopefully be fun to play. I will try to get it running by the end of the year, but I am not very good at deadlines. I feel like I am good at programming again when I work on this in a way I have not in awhile. Perhaps it's the rapid progress or perhaps I have shed some imposter syndrome since I last did any large programming things, which was many months ago now. <hr /> I got a quilt a few days ago. Nothing fancy, just a thing from the supermarket, but it is a nice autumn orange and it is warm and I like to lay under it. <hr /> A friend invited me to a friendsgiving at the end of November and it's so cute I might cry. I am disused to knowing people in the physical world and I am very excited. He just got a new dog and I am so, so excited to pet the good boy. <hr /> It's fall. A few days ago I woke up well. It was nice. I walked outside and the air was pleasantly cool. It was bright and I was smiling. I went and got coffee where my sister works, decaf because caffeine gives me palpitations now I guess, and I came home and cracked my window open and worked on numbers. I had a good time; I enjoyed it. But I think it would've been nice to walk around a little more. I am slightly afraid of where I live now. Not for any good reason, I think, or any reason really at all. Nothing has happened to make me uneasy. It's more or less just how I am. I will get over this and I will start walking again. On November 5th I wrote this in my notebook:<br /> <blockquote> I want to be genuine in the face of the world—confident and happy and beautiful and real. </blockquote> Thank you for reading; I love you. I hope you love yourself.