---
template=post
title=A Really Long Week
style=/styles/post.css
style=writing.css
published=2024-11-13 7:24pm CST
description=What I've done the last 116 days.
art=images/a-really-long-week.gif
art_alt=A squirrel standing in leaves. The image only has 19 colours and looks slightly unreal.
---
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It has been 116 days since I last wrote a weeknote. (weeknotes/what.html)
I like weeknotes. You get little slices of people throughout the year. Get to
learn a bit about them: what they do, how they write. It's nice.
I meant to be writing weeknotes. I want to! It's hard. But I can do hard things.
I think I can, anyway. I am learning to do hard things.
Here's what has happened, roughly, in the last 116 days:
I bought a guitar from a garage sale for $75 in what I describe as an
"unhinged moment". I like the guitar, it is fun! I have not practiced very much
recently but promise to get back to it. Sometime before the end of the year I
will post a little audio clip of me plucking out a tune.
I started having heart issues, maybe. Well, I had those more than 116 days ago,
but only just. Since then I have started taking a beta blocker, been to the
emergency room a few more times, and been anxious almost the entire time. It's
not very fun, but a lot of dangerous things have been ruled out so it is likely
I am fine.
I switched to estradiol valerate injections from the sublingual tablets. I feel
overall more mentally stable. It's a lot harder to miss an injection than a
twice-a-day tablet. This is really good for me; we love this.
Cohost shut down. It went read only 73 days after I wrote my last weeknote. It
was very nice being there and I will miss it. I am slowly reposting things I
put there, a selection of them, to /cohost. I am trying
to do it carefully and with purpose, as I care about these things.
I've been working on an old project called NailyDumber back then
(daily number, first letter swapped), but just called numbers now. It's a
little betting/gambling game with not-real money, of course, called beans. I am
conflicted as I do not like gambling, but I wanted to make it nonetheless. It
will hopefully be fun to play. I will try to get it running by the end of the
year, but I am not very good at deadlines.
I feel like I am good at programming again when I work on this in a way I have
not in awhile. Perhaps it's the rapid progress or perhaps I have shed some
imposter syndrome since I last did any large programming things, which was
many months ago now.
I got a quilt a few days ago. Nothing fancy, just a thing from the supermarket,
but it is a nice autumn orange and it is warm and I like to lay under it.
A friend invited me to a friendsgiving at the end of November and it's so cute
I might cry. I am disused to knowing people in the physical world and I am very
excited. He just got a new dog and I am so, so excited to pet the good boy.
It's fall. A few days ago I woke up well. It was nice. I walked outside and the
air was pleasantly cool. It was bright and I was smiling. I went and got coffee
where my sister works, decaf because caffeine gives me palpitations now I guess,
and I came home and cracked my window open and worked on numbers. I had a good
time; I enjoyed it. But I think it would've been nice to walk around a little
more.
I am slightly afraid of where I live now. Not for any good reason, I think, or
any reason really at all. Nothing has happened to make me uneasy. It's more or
less just how I am. I will get over this and I will start walking again.
On November 5th I wrote this in my notebook:
I want to be genuine in the face of the world—confident and happy and beautiful and real.
Thank you for reading; I love you. I hope you love yourself.
